What is Narcissism / Narcissistic Personality Disorder? (NPD)
This article will discuss the subject of Narcissism from my perspective and from my experience in growing up with covert narcissistic abuse. Please note that I am not a qualified, trained, or licenced professional. Be sure to do your own due diligence when it comes to coping with and finding professional help in dealing with narcissistic abuse. If you are in a dangerous and/or life-threatening situation, GET OUT NOW! Document covert abuse and seek the help of qualified professionals and/or call the police immediately if you (or someone you know) are being physically, psychologically, emotionally, or sexually abused.
Every effort has been made to link to and acknowledge the source material for any quoted material shared in this article. If any mistakes have been made or the original authors wish to have the content revised or removed, please contact William R King or post a comment below and it will be promptly revised or removed on the authors verification.
Table of Contents:
- Narcissistic Personality [Definition]
- My Story
- What is Narcissism?
- The Narcissist Will Repeatedly Use Phrases to Attempt to Maintain Control Over You
- Things I’ve Learned on My Personal Journey as a Survivor of Narcissistic Abuse
- Healing from Narcissistic Abuse
- Resources + Support to Help You Deal with Narcissist’s
- Concluding Thoughts + Advice
Narcissistic Personality [definition]a personality disorder characterized by extreme self-centeredness and self-absorption, fantasies involving unrealistic goals, an excessive need for attention and admiration, and disturbed interpersonal relationships.
Around the summer of 2018, my sister started sending me videos related to narcissism. On watching them I began to wonder if maybe I could be a Narcissist? I could definitely find traits and behaviours within myself that corresponded with the traits of a narcissist.
Little did I know at the time that this was the beginning of new journey/chapter of my life that would change my perspective of reality and what it means to be truly happy. I watched a few videos on the subject of narcissism on and off from 2018-2019, until one day after much painful family drama, I came to the realization that I have been the subject of Narcissistic abuse my entire life and it has continued on into my 40’s.
This was a harsh and painful realization that I came to in May/June 2019 from a series of painful events I experienced due to my families behaviour. For the months of May-July 2019, I went through a lot of difficult and painful emotions due to realizing how much having someone with NPD in close proximity to me (a family member) has created significant trauma + emotional pain throughout my entire life.
I decided it was time to seek the help of a licenced therapist. I went online to psychologytoday.com to search for counsellors in my city that were professionals experienced with NPD. After finding someone in my area, I reached out to start the recovery process by making a phone consultation appointment. I ended up having my first session that very day and it truly helped relieve the burden of emotional stress and pain that I had been secretly carrying my entire life.
Freedom is Possible
At the moment of writing this, I have only had 3 sessions, yet I feel happy, at peace, stronger, validated, and free. I have gone ‘no contact’ since the beginning of July 2019 and the initial withdrawal symptoms (I was addicted to the drama, the highs+lows of the Narcissistic abuse cycle) have worn off now.
I feel more free now. Free to be me, free to be happy, free to be free of abuse, free to realize my true potential. I guess I never realized how much the traumatic abuse from a Narcissist and their harem was controlling me and holding me back from experiencing a happy + fulfilling life.
I actually wake up each day now and feel more happy. It almost feels strange because it’s a new experience for me as I spent most of my life in emotional pain due to being subject to the Narcissistic abuse for 43 years of my life. I very nearly killed myself years ago as I was suicidally depressed for most of my life until my mid-30’s.
It’s taken me time to realize what’s been going on my entire life. I started on a journey of searching for answers to seek relief from the depression in December 2009. I started listening to audio courses that I had downloaded online and began a journey in personal development that would include courses, books, audiobooks, events + podcasts.
I haven’t stopped learning and searching for answers to why I have felt the way I have. I kept digging and digging and it’s ultimately what led to the discovery of the Narcissistic abuser in my life.
Since uncovering this covert abuse I’ve been experiencing my entire life (from the narc and their harem), it now explains my entire life. I now know why I was so angry, depressed, and suffering such deep emotional pain. The wounds from narcissistic abuse can cut so deep that I very nearly took my life on numerous occasions.
The reason I’m sharing this personal information on my blog is to hopefully reach those that are still suffering at the hands of covert narcissistic abuse. I want you to know that it is possible to break free of the traumatic emotional abuse that the NPD dishes out without any mercy or empathy.
The rest of this article is a compilation of reference material from other sites, books, and notes I’ve made as they relate to the narcissistic abuse I have experienced in my life.
What is Narcissism?
This article will primarily discuss the topic of Narcissistic Personality Disorder or NPD from a laypersons perspective. It is based on my own research and experience. Yes I’m a survivor of NPD abuse so I understand what it feels like to be the victim of a Narcissist.
Please note that I am a layperson and not professionally certified in this disorder, so any suggestions you take from this article you do at your own risk.
If you are in a life-threatening situation due to the Narc or yourself, please seek help from the appropriate authorities immediately.
If you are still being psychologically and emotionally manipulated by the Narc, please know that help is available.
If you have recently discovered this is what’s going on in your life, then you are just beginning your journey on healing and recovering.
My suggestion is that you educate yourself by reading books, listening to audiobooks, watching youtube video’s, and finding a licensed therapist that specializes in NPD in your area.
This can be found by searching on PsychologyToday.com.
The 9 Main Characteristics of Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Narcissist’s have most of these traits and exhibit them constantly:
- They feel a high level of self-importance and they often exaggerate their capabilities and accomplishments.
- They dream of having unlimited control, power, attractiveness, intelligence + success.
- They think they are special + one-of-a-kind and they want to be associated with high-class people or entities.
- They are ALWAYS looking to be excessively admired.
- They are always looking for special treatment and they always expect you to comply with their wishes or demands.
- They won’t hesitate to take advantage of you for their own personal gains.
- They don’t empathize with others. It’s always about them, so they won’t go out of their way to accommodate your needs.
- They are always jealous of others, and they wrongly believe that others are jealous of them.
- They are VERY arrogant in both their words and their actions.
Heres an excerpt from an article on Psychology Today on Narcissist Fathers that has a simplified description of NPD:
“The fourth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM IV-TR) defines Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) as:
“A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts… as indicated…. by the following”:
- wanting to be admired
- having a sense of entitlement
- being exploitative
- lacking empathy
- being envious (definition: envy)
“Another characteristic typical of narcissists is a disregard for personal boundaries. Narcissists don’t always acknowledge the need for boundaries, which is coupled with their failure to realize that others do not exist merely to meet their needs. A narcissist will often treat others, especially those that are close to him, as if they are there to fulfill their needs and expectations.”
- Never admits to being wrong
- Avoids emotions, empathy + accountability
- Rages if anyone challenges their false sense of superiority
- Childish when they don’t get their way
- Instills doubts in their victims
- Stonewalls during conflicts
- Smears and slanders you
- In denial and gaslights you
- Subjects you to the silent treatment
- Triangulates you and tears you down
My Experience with the Narcissist
I was raised by a NPD parent. BOOM! There it is. It’s in the blogosphere now. The truth is out there now. I’m no longer keeping “the family secret” festering inside (and destroying me inside) for my entire life. At the time of writing this article I am 43 yrs of age and only recently discovered that my parent has NPD (my opinion). No they have not been diagnosed by a professional (an NPD rarely is because they are completely unwilling to admit they’re in the wrong or accept any criticism.) My 40+ years of experiencing their mind-games is enough for me to clearly see that this is what’s going on.
My intention in writing this article is not to vilify my parent, but to shine the light of truth on their abusive behaviour and treatment of their family. The continued manipulative behaviour is NOT OK. The unwillingness to take responsibility for the behaviour is NOT OK. From my perspective this is evil, wicked, and unacceptable behaviour.
“I think that those who would try to make you feel less than who you are; I think that’s the greatest evil.” – Fred R. Rogers
A semi-normal/reasonable person would at least consider the possibility of whether having NPD could be true or not. Heck I’ve been asking myself for the past year if I’m a Narcissist. The conclusion I finally received from my 1st therapy session is that I am not a Narcissist.
Yes I have adopted many traits due to growing up within a Narcissist-controlled family as a survival mechanism. I had to become a chameleon to survive + navigate my relationship with the Narc. I was self-focussed, lacked empathy, made everything about me, mainly knew frustration, rage, envy, and objectified people.
Due to growing up in this environment, I learned to not share anything from my heart that I cared about with the Narc since it would be devalued if not immediately, it would saved for a future time to use against me. In my experience it was always all about that person and it’s still all about them and I don’t matter because I am just an object to be manipulated and toyed with.
The narcissist + their family also have to have the appearance of “perfection.” My Narc always had to keep the behaviour of the family under control to maintain the appearance of perfection since this will make the Narc “look bad.”
A List of Narcissistic Traits + Covert Behavioral Tactics The Narcissist Uses to Get Their Way
- Covert abuse tactics such as: playing the victim, verbal manipulations, silent treatment, only ever being willing to see their own point of view, emotional manipulation also known as gaslighting, stonewalling, emotional withdrawal, spreading rumors (AKA smear campaigns), invalidating + criticizing the other persons thoughts, feelings, point of view + making things their fault (gaslighting), blame-shifting.
- They treat others with disdain by criticizing others. The passive-aggressive covert type NPD will incessantly negatively gossip about perceived slights by others about them behind their backs.
- They are very afraid to honestly look inward.
- They will feed on your vulnerability and attack your weak spots
- They want you to validate them, but they will never validate you, unless they are trying to manipulate you.
- They are incapable of appreciating love. If you express love toward them, they will either alienate you, or they will trample all over that love.
- Getting you to be dependent on them.
- They hurt you over + over again without empathy and no remorse for having hurt you.
- It’s their way or the highway.
- They love to hear themselves talk + are unwilling to listen much. If they’re “listening” they’re usually thinking about a rebuttal rather than actually hearing you.
- Narcissistic rage when they can’t control you.
- Pathological envy.
- Entitlement and grandiosity.
- Have “a bad day”
- Justification for inappropriate behaviour (and/or anything and everything.)
- Insulting you and disrespecting you.
- It’s all about control.
- Any and every nice act that they do for you mean that you owe them forever.
- They enjoy triangulation.
- They treat you like you are their property.
- Denying something that they said or did.
- Projection + reshaping of your reality to suit their perspective (gaslighting).
- Grandiose sense of self-importance.
- A low-level of self-awareness.
- They surround themselves with people (a harem of people pleasers and sometimes other symbiotic NPD’s) who will stroke their ego due to their need for excessive admiration.
- Unless you have clear boundaries and enforce them with consequences the narc will walk all over you.
- The narc demands a LOT of attention and unless you set limits they won’t stop.
- When you set a boundary, you can be assured that they are going to test that boundary and they will push it as far as you will let them. So you have to go in with the conviction that your boundaries are not up for discussion. In my experience, they will disrespect all boundaries you attempt to enforce.
- When the victim of the narcissistic abuser calls them out on their behavior, they will react with all of the tools in arsenal, such as narcissistic rage, denial, gaslighting (emotional manipulation) which typically is turning it on the other person (projection), smear campaigns against the victim, and triangulation (attacks from ‘sympathizers’ of the Narcissist.)
- Having a harem of other narcissists, people-pleasers, empaths, and other people who are easily charmed.
- They bring in the opinions of others to validate their point of view. In my experience they’ll use word salad (twisted reasonings) to corral you to their point of view (gaslighting).
- When the victim points out the narcissistic abuse, the narc will punish them for threatening their delusional sense of entitlement.
- Denying, minimizing, and rationalizing the abusive behaviour.
- Incessantly Arguing their point of view, intimidation + guilt tactics are all tools they use to control you.
- Projection is a chronic unwillingness to see their own shortcomings, and using everything within their power to avoid being held accountable for them. It is a defense mechanism used to displace responsibility of one’s negative behaviour and traits by attributing them to someone else. It acts as a digression that avoids ownership and accountability.
- Blanket statements and generalizations are used as a form of manipulation to the narcissists point of view
- Any challenge results in an ultimatum
- Narcissists preemptively blow anything they perceive as a threat to their superiority out of proportion. In their world they believe only they can be right and anyone who dares to say otherwise results in a narcissistic injury that can result in a narcissistic rage.
- The narc wants to assert control and dominance over you.
- Narcissist’s are in love with how people perceive them. Your perspective doesn’t matter. Your boundaries don’t matter. They are conversational hogs because they don’t care about the other person or their point of view. They only care about their own point of view.
- They will break you and make you subservient to their point of view.
- They will expect you to make them the priority in your life. They will try to isolate you from your supportive system of friends and family members.
- They will express a lot of negative emotions such as anger or insincere sadness, especially if you’re critical, don’t do what they want, or when you don’t give them the attention that they’re looking for due to their fragile ego.
- The Blame Game: They will never admit to ANY wrongdoing and will always find a way of turning everything into your fault. They will NEVER take responsibility for ANYTHING.
- They will play the victim, play the victim, play the victim. I’ve witnessed this my entire life of 43 yrs on this earth.
- When they take action to solve a mutual problem that you have, they will always make it clear that you owe them. If not now, they will bring it up even years later.
- By isolating their victim and micromanaging their emotions, beliefs, and social networks they gain control and power over their victim.
- They may appear to care about others. One’s who are in their control and are easily manipulated.
- If you break free from the grasp from the control of the NPD by going no contact, expect that they will gossip about you to ones in their harem. This could be your family, relatives, and even common friends. Don’t get sucked back into the drama that the narcissist is creating to triangulate you by allowing your emotions and sense of justice to get the better of you by getting back into contact with them or their harem in any way. The term for these ones that get emotionally involved in the narcissist’s lies and come at you angrily in defence of the narcissist is “flying monkeys.”
- The NPD cannot change unless they are willing to acknowledge their bad behaviour, honestly admit the NPD traits to themselves and others, and do the necessary work to overcome their psychotically habitual manipulative behaviour. In my experience, (having been around NPD’s most of my life due to being groomed from birth to attract them into my life) the narcissist will NEVER change. They will just get better at hiding their true nature more covertly by modifying their behaviour to keep the unaware and gaslighted ones under their control.
The Narcissist Will Repeatedly Use Phrases to Attempt to Maintain Control Over You
The Narc will repeatedly use statements to manipulate, control, and hammer their point across because in their entitled mind their opinion is the only one that matters and is true. No one else’s opinion matters or has any weight unless it is in harmony and edifies their opinions.
I’m using the word ‘opinion’ because that’s all that comes out of their mouth. In my experience with the Narc their words are weapons of mass emotional destruction that can cause harm for a lifetime and it is mostly their opinion, not objective reality.
Therefore I have concluded that the Narc’s word’s are mostly all B.S./Lies/Propaganda/brain-washing employed to manipulate and control people into getting on board with the Narc’s view of reality which is self-centred, entitled, and warped.
After experiencing Narcissistic abuse my entire life, now when I identify someone who has narcissistic traits (they will become easy to spot once you have educated yourself), I go in the other direction and do everything in my power to have ZERO contact with them.
I will NOT tolerate abuse in any form no matter how covertly it is delivered. And neither should you.
A List of Phrases My Narc Said Over + Over (Ad Infinitum)
Can You Relate to Any of These?
- “I’m always right!”
- “Don’t tell anyone anything!”
- “Make them feel obligated.”
- “They’re trying to make me look bad.”
- “Hope I’m not bothering you.”
- “I’m not hard to get along with.”
- Blanket statements like: “I’ll never say anything again!” and “Don’t say anything to anyone!”
- “I did nothing wrong!”
- “Just checking in.” (when phoning)
- “Keep them guessing.”
Phrases like these were repeated (as if by rote) over and over, and they have stuck in my brain to present day.
I liken this to brain-washing. I even remember adults using the term brain-washing when speaking about my dad when I was very young. I didn’t know what they meant at the time, but I remember them saying it to this day.
This list of repetitive phrases will be updated as I recall more of them. Do you remember phrases that the Narc repeatedly said? Please share some in the comments below if you’d like to get it out.
Things I’ve Learned on My Personal Journey as a Survivor of Narcissistic Abuse
(Realizations will be periodically shared here, so please check back for updates.)
- A “Trauma Bond” (AKA Stockholm Syndrome) is formed between the abuser and victim which can keep the victim locked in to the abuser. This trauma bond can make it difficult to go no contact with the narc due to the addictive nature of the bond. The victim actually has an addiction to the bio-chemical nature of the highs and lows from the emotional abuse.
- The abuse cycle: idealize, devalue, discard, destroy, hoover.
- We can love people from a respectful distance. We don’t have to be around them all the time.
- We can still love our family despite choosing to be estranged from them.
- After going ‘ no contact’ with the narc, expect that they will triangulate you, and be forewarned that flying monkeys will blind-side you in sometimes very passive-aggressive ways. This unexpectedly happened to me, leading me to add this next section.
Flying Monkey Updates
Oct 6, 2019
I’ve been in no contact with my family for 3 months now. I’ve experienced a lot more peace and relief for the first time in my life.
This evening an inquiry form on our business website was filled out by a flying monkey. I’m sure I know who filled out the form. At first I wanted to reply, but after a while of thinking about it I realized this is a “flying monkey” situation.
If you’re wondering what the term “flying monkey” means as it relates to NPD, here’s a video by Dr Les Carter. He explains it really well and has many more good points that will strengthen you and give you the support you need to deal with flying monkeys.
Instead of reacting to the ignorant, disrespectful, rude, passive-aggressive comments made by the flying monkey on the form, I decided to:
- Stop and think first.
- Not respond to their childish tactic to get an emotional reaction out of me.
- Consider what/why this may be happening.
- Document this occurrence on my blog article on Narcissism (Cathartic + Empowering).
- Consider the progress I’ve made in that clearly the Narcissist is not getting their way (trying to control me), so they’re now smearing me to their harem of flying monkeys and they are doing the narc’s bidding like good little puppets.
The flying monkey is a sad specimen who believes the Narc’s false view of reality (lies) and may even be a Narc themselves in this case based on the words written in the website inquiry form. They are allowing themselves to be manipulated and played by the Narc like a puppet.
On a side note: I believe this specific flying monkey is also an NPD, as I have known him since he was 8 yrs of age (you know I know it was you if you’re reading this J.M. When all the statements are mirrored back to you, then it makes absolute sense and has given me a lot of laughter. Thanks for the laughs. Haha).
After writing this, I’ve realized that the Narc is clearly smearing me to others as I’ve been anticipating/expecting and the backlash is now showing up. I’m already used to being used as a scapegoat for the Narcissist’s own feelings of inadequacy that they’re projecting onto me by gossiping to others.
If this has happened or is happening to you, here’s a good video to understand better what’s going on, so you can cope.
If you’re experiencing anxiety from having to deal with a narcissist’s gaslighting, manipulations, and all around controlling behavior here’s a supportive/encouraging video.
After documenting this, I decided to not respond to the flying monkey. I won’t be surprised if there are further immature, rude attempts to get my attention by them.
May 2020 Update:
This website has been repeatedly hacked since Oct 2019. Since none of my other sites have been hacked it seems pretty suspicious that this little insignificant site has scripts with links repeatedly injected into the code. I’m not 100% sure that this is because of my posting this truthful article on my experiences, but it seems very suspicious that this blog has been hammered repeatedly with code injections since this article has been posted.
A List of Realizations I’ve Journaled
I Now Understand Why:
- Over my life I’ve struggled with rage, depression, addiction, self-abuse, suicidal thoughts/actions, codependency, and abusive behavior with interpersonal relationships.
- Through my life I’ve suffered from: low self-esteem, feelings of worthlessness, feeling unlovable, PTSD symptoms, trust issues in interpersonal relationships, addictions, difficulty in decision-making, not know who I am.
- I quickly became an alcoholic when I started drinking at age 19.
- I have been so emotionally reactive/volatile. Because of the repeated gaslighting throughout my entire life by my dad. Because of his manipulative words and twisted reasonings used to control my perception of reality. Because of his controlling and emotionally abusing my mother my entire life and feeling powerless to stop him and/or protect her.
- My mother has become an extension of his emotional manipulations because he uses her to suck me back into conversations with him through her trying to “keep the family together.” I think she’s also subconsciously afraid that if I cut off contact with him, she will no longer have any access to my support. I also believe she suffers from Stockholm Syndrome due to the Narcissistic Abuse.
- I have attracted so many narcissistic males into my life over the years that have used, manipulated, and controlled me to their point of view.
- I attracted bullies that used fear tactics to psychologically control me throughout my school years.
- My abuser has always required excessive admiration, validation, and agreement in all his perspectives/opinions, but it’s nearly impossible for him to give that to me unless it benefits him in some way.
- My abuser cannot accept any form of criticism no matter how small.
- My abuser constantly speaks about + emails blog articles about the grandiose finances he will someday enjoy when the financial reset comes. It’s his way of making others feel obligated to him + keeping them in his vortex of manipulation.
- I realize that I’ve been experiencing Stockholm Syndrome with my abuser. I realize that it is a trauma bond. I realize that I exhibit symptoms of codependency due to the traumatic abuse.
- My abuser discredits and devalues my wife. Because she won’t put up with his BS.
- I have gradually back to way further and further from contact with my abuser since marrying my wife.
- I have a hard time listening to my inner guidance.
- I don’t celebrate my accomplishments and successes because I can’t reveal them with the narc due to his pathological envy and jealousy.
- I’ve isolated myself.
- I’ve chosen not to have children to end the abuse cycle.
- I’ve spent tens of thousands of dollars in finding help and support in dealing with the pain and suffering I’ve experienced and trying to improve myself and become a better person.
- I have blamed myself so much, been self-critical and self deprecating.
- I find the term “let it go” distressing and angering because it feels like I have to deny the abuse ever happened.
- I now know that I’m processing years and years of how I was treated and how I’ve treated others as a result. It’s a lot to process, so it can be very overwhelming at times.
- A child that’s been abused by its parents doesn’t stop loving its parents; it stops loving it’s self.
- I have let fear of rejection hold me back from greater accomplishments because of being rejected for who I was from such a young age.
- I like recording YouTube videos because I felt my voice never mattered and it was never heard.
Healing from Narcissistic Abuse
Here are some supportive points to remember as you recover and heal from narcissistic abuse. (This list will be updated periodically, so please check back for more points.)
It will take time to heal from the unseen pain and damage that narcissistic abuse has caused you. Please be patient with yourself as you go on this journey of self-discovery and recovery.
Know that you CAN + WILL heal from the traumas as long as you STOP exposing yourself to further emotional abuse and trauma. The only way this can truly be accomplished is to separate yourself from the Narc by going “NO CONTACT.”
I have been in a “no contact” position since July 1, 2019. The first 30 days were the hardest due to the addiction to the narcissistic abuse cycle.
Know that you will experience withdrawal like an addict does that may make it hard to stick with “no contact,” but it can be done.
You may find yourself ruminating and dwelling on the Narc and feel compelled to get back into contact, but please don’t unless it’s absolutely necessary.
Giving yourself the time and space to heal is very important if you are to break free from the hidden abuse cycle. Staying in contact with the abuser will continue to expose yourself to further abusive treatment and hinder your recovery.
Something that can help in recovery is creating a habit of practicing a daily mindfulness meditation. This will help you become more aware of your thoughts. As you become more aware of your thinking, you will become less controlled by your unconscious thoughts.
By making mindfulness meditation a daily part of your morning routine, you will begin to bring the unconscious into the conscious. This can aid you in becoming less reactive and controlled by your thoughts. It can also help greatly in reducing stress when we stop buying into every thought that pops into our mind.
Good Advice to Remember Re: NPD’s
- Be sure to have support of friends and family that are not in relationship with the NPD.
- “No contact” includes the harem of the NPD as they will also try to control, manipulate, and bring you back into contact with the Narc.
- Find a good therapist that understands NPD, is validating, kind, and supportive that you can share thoughts + feelings with in order to relieve some of the emotional strain you have been under.
- DO NOT relinquish control of your thoughts, feelings, and reality to the Narc.
- You have control over how much importance what they say has. Assume all their actions are malicious and continue ignoring them.
- You have to be cautious and smart to avoid allowing them to suck you back into gaining control of you.
- Don’t share too much information with the narc.
- Don’t assume that the narc cares about you.
- Don’t play the narcissist’s games.
- Don’t second guess yourself when dealing with the narc.
- Don’t assume the narc’s actions are personal.
- You stand the best chance at getting your way when you are calm and composed.
- Don’t expect any kind of closure with a narcissist and his harem.
Are You Suffering as a Victim of Narcissistic Abuse?
I encourage you to seek the help of a mental health professional who has experience and is trained in NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder). You can find a therapist in your area by searching on the psychologytoday.com website.
Have a support network of family + friends that are healthy, supportive relationships you can find support with when you decide to go no contact with the narcissist. Know that it will be extremely hard to stay out of contact with the Narc due to the trauma bond.
Going no contact or limited contact can be especially difficult when the narcissist in your life is a family member and your family is their harem supporting + enabling their behaviour.
This is what I’m currently going through as I’m writing this. I’ve decided that I have to go no contact with the Narc’s harem (my family) to protect myself from being sucked back into the drama/abuse/manipulations.
Due to the Trauma Bond (Stockholme’s Syndrome) I find that my mind obsesses over the last interaction to make sense of it.
Here is a link to an article that may help you better understand the trauma bond and why it can be hard to go ‘no contact’ with the narcissist in your life.
Resources + Support to Help You Deal with Narcissist’s
Visual/Auditory Learner? Get access to my private youtube playlist below to learn more about NPD. I add new helpful video’s regularly. Check back often for new videos.
MOVIE: Gaslight (1940)
VIDEO: You Can Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse
The following books are ones I have personally read and recommend for educating and supporting yourself as you recover from hidden abuse.
- BOOK: Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself [Kindle Edition]
- BOOK: POWER: Surviving and Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse: A Collection of Essays on Malignant Narcissism and Recovery from Emotional Abuse [Kindle Edition]
- BOOK: Whole Again: Healing Your Heart and Rediscovering Your True Self After Toxic Relationships and Emotional Abuse
Please note that these are affiliate links to amazon. Thank you for supporting my blog by using my links to make your purchases.
Thank you for visiting and supporting my blog. This has been a tough subject to share here because it’s so personal and the narcissist doesn’t want the family secret to get out.
If you found some value in this post, please share it with someone who could benefit so we can recover, heal, and build a life of happiness and relative peace free of hidden narcissist abuse.
Thank you for sharing reasonably positive things that will help others who are suffering rather than hurt them more.
Concluding Thoughts + Recommendations
- A narcissist is a bully.
- Ignore the bully and move on with your life.
- Expect every boundary to be tested and crossed.
- Expect it to take years to recover/heal.
- Be patience with yourself and the process.
- Find supportive, healthy friends outside the realm of the Narc’s influence and make them your “family.”
- Seek the support of an empathetic + validating therapist. (someone who has experienced this form of hidden abuse themselves will be more understanding.)
- Do things that support + nurture you in healthy ways such as: mindfulness meditation, affirmations, exercise, listen to nature sounds + uplifting music, etc. What do you do for support? Please share in the comments below.
- It is the responsibility of the NPD to admit their abusive behaviour and to do the work to STOP the mistreatment of others and START doing the work of overcoming/stopping the abusive behaviour.
- It is NOT my job to educate or help the abuser recognize this and/or motivate them to take corrective action.
- I now understand that it is IMPOSSIBLE for the Narc, Sociopath, and Psychopath to recognize, acknowledge, and take responsibility for their mistreatment of people, therefore I choose to stay out of contact with them and their harem of flying monkeys.
Every effort has been made to link to and acknowledge the source material for any quoted material shared in this article. If any mistakes have been made or the original authors wish to have the content revised or removed, please contact William R King or post a comment below and it will be promptly revised or removed on the authors verification.